Redemtion
by Zilaria
Summary: Its been too long in a life of shadow and regret. Faith just wants to be free of it all, put things in the past, and move on to happier moments of her life. With or without Buffy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not the characters, not the shows/ comics. Nothing.

A/N: This takes place during the eighth season, so it has heavy comic book influences. Just an idea that popped into my head the other night, characters are a bit OOC. It won't be a super long fic, but I think it'll be interesting.

My Redemption

By: Zilaria

Chapter 1: The Little Things

Isn't it funny how despite having been the other slayer, the dark chosen one, the murderous psychopath, and finally the reformed fighter, most girls don't know who I am. At least most of the girls I've come across have absolutely no idea. They know who blondie is, big surprise there, but me, nah never even heard of me.

"Hey… Faith?"

I glance up realizing that I had zoned out on my newbie. That must have been awkward for her.

"Yeah Skye, What can I do you for?" I say in a chill tone. This chick has been wound up too tight the last couple of days and it's fucking driving me insane.

"Is it ok? I mean that we're going over there, is it fine?"

The way she looks at me almost breaks my heart. That was me, years back that was me, with the nervousness and jitters and all that. I may have been a badass but I was scared as fuck. Buffy scared the living daylights out of me, and I guess I had good reason.

"G-man sent us. It's five by five" I turn my back to her and make myself comfy on the plane, ignoring the worried looks she was shooting me.

She still was nervous about everything, she thought that maybe they would try her and execute her or something. I mean generally rogue slayers are a bad thing. But I counsel them you know, show them the straight and oh so narrow path and all that shit.

I feel her settling into her seat and finally relaxing some and for some strange reason I feel relieved. I don't want her walking in there pretending to be a damn criminal. Been there done that, doesn't fucking work.

With Buffy, it never fucking works.

I shook Skye gently when we landed, she had fallen asleep some odd hour ago, and really I didn't feel like waking her. I wanted time to myself, sort shit out in my head. I'm seeing Buffy again, and to be real honest, I don't know how I feel about B right now.

I mean, I want her forgiveness and all, but that chick just drives me crazy. Like there's always something that I gotta do that gets under her skin.

"Skye wake up" I grumbled, the thoughts of B putting me in a sour mood.

"You should really stop thinking about her so much, it's kinda weird and almost obsessive in a strange schoolgirl crush way" Skye sleepily smiled up at me from her seat, knowing that her comment would keep me quiet.

It did.

I didn't talk to her again until we were almost at the castle. I wanted to tell her so much, like be careful, don't open up right away, don't bare your soul, 'cause all you get back is a world of pain. But I didn't. All I told her was to smile, because they don't hurt people who smile.

Skye smiled at me nervously, and shook her head while she pushed my shoulder gently. It was her way of telling me to shut my trap hole. She'd gotten used to my corny ass jokes but that didn't mean she liked 'em.

I was going to make some weird comment about her loving to flirt with me, but I was distracted by an extremely large Dawn. Wow, shit changes fast. Little D, or I guess Big D, since she's not so little anymore looks down at our car suspiciously. I park the piece of shit right before the castle, and taking a deep breath get out of it.

"So munckin," I yelled up to her "How's the weather treatin' ya?"

"FAITH!"

Next thing I know, I'm being picked up by a giant hand and shook all around.

"Hey kiddo, take it easy, I ain't a rag doll." Good thing the kid still likes me. I wasn't sure about that.

"Why are you here? When did you get- well duh you just got here! YAY!" she jumps up and down in excitement, causing turmoil in the castle I'm sure.

I laugh at her damn actions, and yell for her to put me down. Jesus, B's trying to kill me already.

I let out a breath when my feet touch the ground and I smile over at Skye, Dawns yelling for someone to open the doors so I don't introduce them. I'm sure there will be plenty time for that shit later.

Some red head with a weird do opens the door, grumbling something about not being a damn maid. I smirk at her, not blaming her for complaining. I wouldn't want to do some shitty door opening duty either.

I signal for Skye to follow and the red head leads us to what seems like command control. Shit this was high tech. I was amazed by all the screens and the computers and the man power behind it all. Buffy's giving orders and watching the screens while Red is just perched at her right hand side. Xan man is looking mighty down, sitting in some chair with his patch up eye. They have no idea I'm here. Great.

"So much for a fucking library B. I always knew you'd wanted something else."

Buffy turns around faster than you can say "fuck me" or just plain "fuck" actually. Her eyes light up in that "I want to kill you" way that I always get when she sees me. Really makes me giddy inside.

"Oh come on B," I smirk, strolling over to a chair and plopping in it and putting my feet up at some random desk. "Don't pretend you don't want me here. Nice place"

She glowers at me, stepping down from the platform and pushing my feet quite forcibly off the table.

"What do you want? State it, and get out. You're not welcome here."

I look around the room and notice that Skye is really nervous and on guard while the other girls are confused. You know, what the hell! If I was such a threat to Buffy, wouldn't they at least tell the other girls about me? So you know, I can have some bad ass cred? You'd think so, but no, it's always been about Buffy in the Buffyverse!

"G-man sent me here blondie. To stay. So I'm not going anywhere" I stand up and face her, not backing down from her presence. She should know better by now. "I got precious cargo to deliver, figured you'd need that" I motion over to Skye and she steps over.

"This girl here, she was sent by G. Told me to keep her here until necessary. Don't know what the fuck that means, but hey, I know it means she has a free pass here," I watched Buffy's face contort with anger as she realized what that meant, "and so do I."

"Bullshit. She stays, you. You get the hell out." Cold. Cold as steel. Cold as always.

I looked into her green eyes, wondering when it was the last time I saw them without that gleam. Wasn't I doing enough now? Converting rogues, being a help, not fucking retiring. I would have been five by five just chillin' at some island. But no. I had to do more.

"We five by five F?" she spits out and I realize I left her waiting for an answer. I look at her and I get mad because not too long ago, I saved her life. I saved her and all she had to thank me with was kicks, punches and jabs to the heart.

"Nah B. We're not clear at all," I say slowly, looking into her eyes. "I'm staying here, with Skye, you like it or not. I'm done with this shit of you being boss. I saved your life, I helped you in Sunny D. It's time you fucking accept that I'm on your side now."

Please accept that I'm on your side now is really what I'm thinking as her eyes widen. Not a chance.

"You tried to kill me, my friends, Angel…"

"That was a long time ago B." I say calmly. I look at her and she has this look of incredulity on her face. "You fucking stabbed me B. Put me in a coma, for fucking months!"

I hear gasps around the room as the girls start to realize that their leader and I have somewhat of a rocky history.

"You were murdering people."

"And now, I've changed. Accept that Buffy. I'm not the Faith you knew. I've grown, seen things I shouldn't have seen as punishment, and come to realize that we need to let this go."

I was surprised with myself. I was being fucking civil.

"I'll never let go. Never."

She walked away from me, leaving me in a room full of super powered chicks. It was then that I realized Red had yet to speak, and the Xan man too for that matter.

I turned to look at them, and realized they had the same looks on their faces that Buffy had on hers. The girls around the room became tense, as if they were preparing to take me on. Those new slayers might not know my history, but their bosses do, and really at this point that's all that matters.

Fuck me. It's always damn hard with Buffy.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not the characters, not the shows/ comics. Nothing.

A/N: This takes place during the eighth season, so it has heavy comic book influences. Just an idea that popped into my head the other night, characters are a bit OOC. It won't be a super long fic, but I think it'll be interesting.

A/N #2: I know it's been a super long time, but I finally got the groove of this story back into my brain. Piece by piece it will come together lol. Good thing this is going to be short! Enjoy.

My Redemption

By: Zilaria

Chapter 2: Introspection

I took a deep breath as Red approached me, walking with an angry stride. How the fuck was I going to fend off this witch without sending myself straight to another fucking dimension?

"Red-"

I begin but don't get to finish as the fiery woman stops inches short of my face. I instinctively square my shoulders but don't back away; no way I was giving an inch in this battle. I'd done it before, given an inch. But with this bunch, you give a fucking inch, they take a fucking mile.

"Listen," she rasped out, her breath hot on my lips, "I don't know what you're up to. I don't know why Giles wants you here along with her."

Red gives a short nod to Skye and a brief smile, as if trying to express that she wasn't this big bad scary witch; basically just misleading Skye. My eyes narrow slightly and I feel my body sliding into an even more defensive stance.

"What I do know is that if you even pull half of the stuff you did before Faith, you are done."

I grunted in response, not really trying to verbally argue with Red. She'd changed a lot over the years I noted quickly; her confidence, the tone with which she spoke to me. It screamed power. I know that as well as I know that I've murdered people and enjoyed it. Shitty I know, but fuck if I don't admit the truth.

I turn my body slightly in Xander's direction waiting for an onslaught of verbal attacks from him as well but he just gives a brief nod and leaves the room. The surprise I felt at that action was only momentary, but it was enough to make Red snort before she backed away with a glare and followed suit.

I turned slowly to Skye and gave her my shit eating grin, holding my arms open as I walked slowly to her and gave a brief but firm glance to the rooted slayers around us. I looked into her worried and defensive eyes and just belted in an aggravated tone.

"Welcome the fuck home!"

* * *

It had only taken three days. Three loaded with sarcastic comments and my lovely humor days until B and I had it out physically. I admit it, it was my fault. I probably shouldn't have goaded her verbally. But Fuck if that girl makes me feel anything but insecure and small. Ever since the _wonderful _event in my life that led to her, I've felt small.

"Faith…"

I turn slowly at the soft tone of voice and grunt in a rather rude manner. I was still holding a pack of ice to my now black and completely swollen shut right eye. Bitch got a lucky right punch is all I'm saying.

"You can't keep doing that, pushing her. Disrespecting her authority and undermining her in front of the others." Skye's reproachful tone was more than I wanted to hear. Hell her whole fucking drama was more than I wanted. I tried to shift my body away from her only to bump my also bruised elbow against the edge of the table.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" I hissed out not so quietly as I slammed the ice pack down against the table. Twice. Making sure that on the second hit something cracked.

I knew she was right. I knew that the reason I was angry wasn't because I had let B get the best of me physically. It was because I didn't want B to get the best of me emotionally.

This didn't make any sense in my head before, but after helping those girls out, after showing them the damn light as folks put it, I realized that I just wanted to be accepted.

And maybe I knew it deep down. I mean, it wasn't like I had tried to kill Buffy right off the bat. No, I had tried to befriend her, show her who I was. I mean, I remember the way we danced at the bronze, the way I broke her out of dorksville for a ride on the wild side.

I was the wild side, I was the fun, I was… I was the best and most enticing thing a girl could want. I was freedom; freedom from responsibility, from the rules of society, from being in a stuffy library all day instead of enjoying what we do, and loving life while doing it.

Gritting my teeth I push away the memories of the smiles that were once directed at me. I pushed away the invitations of Christmas dinner and just a place to be instead of a shit hole motel. I guess Skye realized I was in my own head because she was quiet as hell.

Fuck this. Fuck being here. Fuck reliving all the things in my life that hurt me the most. Fuck the rejection. Fuck being five by five. Fuck B not seeing that I needed her, fuck B not seeing that I was scared. Just. FUCK. B.

"I'm out Skye high."

I turn to look at her with serious eyes and just watch the girl shuffle slightly. I could see the look, the slight rejection that she tried to hide as I was telling her that I was leaving. I could try to explain that I wasn't leaving her, that it was this damn place full of people who hate me. That it was being so close the damn golden girl full of flaws. That it was my fear…my fear that was driving me away.

Her eyes were drawn to me and she gave me that hard look that told me she didn't appreciate that stupid nick name I had given her after she convinced me to watch the crap movie.

"Never pictured you for a quitter."

"I'm not kid, but there's shit going on here that you don't understand. This goes way back and it goes too deep to even make the amends we talk about."

"Bull fucking shit!" I watch her lip curl as she snarls at me and I find myself wondering when this girl became more than a charge to me. "You talk about redemption, about finding forgiveness for the shit people like us have done. But there isn't any is there?"

Now it's my turn to shuffle.

"You just fucking stand there, spewing crap about becoming responsible for our own damn actions. About not running away just because we're scared because, shit! Everyone is scared! You talked to me about being a better person and not lashing out!"

She's moved closer now and for the second time in a week, my space has been invaded by someone that is not welcome and most importantly, someone that is not Buffy. How the fuck did I become so soft to let this shit happen?

"You fucking hypocrite."

I gnash my teeth and resist the urge to scream in this girls face. To just bellow out all of the injustices I've faced, and how my case is different, and how I'm not scared but that this is just something that cannot be fixed. I barely just resist punching her.

Letting out a huff, and looking down at her, I freeze.

It's not because I'm scared. Heh, hell no. It's because I recognize that look. Just like I've recognized every look and action. I've seen myself performing them all and I understand again why I talk to these girls; I understand again why I am here and why I put myself at risk.

They are my mirror. They show me the mistakes I've made over the years and most importantly, to them, I am their guardian. I am the dark angel that shows them the path. And yeah I may have said shit earlier about this rickety path, but the truth is, that staying on it, doing the right thing? It's the best feeling in the world aside from a good romp in the sack.

I smirk slightly and ruffle the kids hair, laughing and wincing as she shrugs off my hand.

"K. Skye high, you made your point so put away the big guns will ya'?"

I watch as relief floods her eyes and smile slightly as a glare returns.

"You're a fucking bitch hypocrite!"

It's only half meant as she bumps me gently with her body and then turns around to leave.

"She's got you pegged Faith."

I turn around to spot B watching me through narrowed eyes. I feel the anger rush back into my veins and I'm itching for another throw down.

My face contorts into an ugly mask and I know I am just seconds away from committing another fucking verbal mistake. I feel it coming closer to the surface and my eyes bore into B's. And as I stare into those green eyes, I see the young girl from back then and my anger vanishes.

Skye was right. It was time I owned up big. Keeping my damn trap shut, I slowly move to grab my ice pack, now wet from being left on the table, and put it up to my eye.

Yeah, B was a fucking bitch. But so was I. Yeah, the golden girl stabbed me, but I fucking tried to kill her. Yeah, her boyfriend turned psycho and almost killed her and she turned around and forgave him but not me. But I wasn't fucking her brains out…or in her heart.

I walked past B giving her a glance as I began to wonder how different things could have been. It was then that I saw it; the look that spoke volumes that I had missed oh so many times before. Maybe it was because I was too caught up in my own shit to realize it, but I finally saw it. I finally saw B. I finally saw the terrified teenager I had turned her into.

And for a moment, as her scowl softened a bit, I think she finally saw me too.


End file.
